Welcome to
Horribly Bad Crack™


Choose your poison:
Image-based crack
Also known as PICS
Text-based crack
Crackfic?
Sound-based crack
Horrible audio hacks.
Other crack
Anything else.
Links
Gettin' outta here!

W
hat is Horribly Bad Crack, you ask? Well, it's a complicated story - no, that's a lie, it really isn't.
    A certain person (who shall remain nameless) begged me to write some Cloud/Mukki yaoi, because that would just be soo cute. I told her to get bent and that at most they'd get stick figure yaoi. Predictably, they told me that it was better than nothing and start drawing, damn it, like NOW! This set strange and horrible events into motion...
    This site contains tremendous amounts of stupid. If that is not your cup of tea, get thee hence.
    We accept submissions! If you have any fandom crack you'd like to see up on this page (yeah, right, as if), send it here. jonalun @at@ gmail .dot. com

Latest update: 101220
1 pic (Knights of the Old Republic)
(new stuff is posted at the top of the relevant section)

Image-based crack
Am I the only one who had trouble beating Vrook on the dark side path in KotOR2? I had to resort to... less honourable methods. (It's fine, though. Completely in character.)KotOR
Different people have different ideas about the choice at the end of ME2. As for Commander Shepard...ME
No one seems to like the vehicle sections in Mass Effect. Sometimes I think I'm the only one who doesn't have a problem with Shepard's driving.ME
Kind of a cheap shot... and one of the most blatant examples of tracing ever. I REGRET NOTHING.ME
I wouldn't normally draw the nameless faceless protagonist with any defining features at all, but this problem is very specific to the female Commander Shepard.ME
Sometimes, all you need to get rid of a meme is to find the right tool. (Sequel to the one below.)ME
Every fandom has its memes. But the characters may not always approve. ME
Making fun of the pay-to-download costume pack? Me? NEVAR. ME
It's a godawful joke. That's why I had to make it. ME
Liara is lucky we didn't know about these in ME1.ME
She totally would use emoticons, too.ME
I am aware that I am possibly the first person ever to pick up on this.SW
Valygar Corthala: chicks dig him. (Oh, and Minsc, too.) BG
You know, it bothers me that I didn't get the option to question her on this. KotOR2
With P3P, Atlus decided to fight sexism. They did a great job! I bet they'd do a great job if they decided to tackle racism as well.P4
I think Lavos is weak against pun elemental damage.CT
I don't actually know if Otacon did live through the eighties.MGS
I don't think you could expect any other outcome. He's pretty much tempting fate.P3
I can't help but get some strange ideas when I see the protagonist's various titles.P3
Even in the future, there is no escape from tired pop culture references.P4
Fangirls are to blame for this one.P4/DDS
After watching this scene in X3, I'm pretty sure the fangirls are right. Magneto is actually gay for Charles. (And a total asshole.)X-men
Just how does the party manage to carry around those 48 gazillion GP, anyway? Why, it's very simple.BG
This is nowhere near as good as it could have been, but I had to produce something on the theme "the good, the bad and the ugly, and I always wanted to do something that would accurately portray Keldorn as the racist little fuck he is. (Also, I originally did this on the same subject, but meh.)BG
When an anonymous poster requested "lusful snake/random SEES member vore", I don't think this is what they had in mind.P3
Even more horrible, even more animated, and probably the most time-consuming single pic on this site! Curious yet? You damn well better be. Oh, and did I mention it's horrible and animated?P3
It's a horrible joke, and it's animated. What more could you wish for?Sonic
Come on, you know as well as I do that I didn't mean that literally.BG
Certain parts of Digital Devil Saga just scream fetish fuel. Speaking of which, this one is a spoiler for DDS2.DDS
People complain way too much about Fuuka. You'd do well to remember that it can always get worse. ALWAYS.P3
You know what goes through my head every time I see a Darkness spell in P3? And I do mean EVERY. FUCKING. TIME.P3
I'm having too much fun picking on poor Fuuka. Among other things.P3
I have yet another terribly obvious one for you. Fuuka, what does your persona say about its power level?P3
The special edition of Persona 3 contains various equipment that alters the wearer's appearance. Depending on your preferences, this may or may not be a good thing.P3
After Throne of Bhaal, the party went on to star in a popular children's show...BG
Do you know what the protagonist sings when he does karaoke? Do you want to know?P3
There were plenty of things I really wanted to do at the end of "Throne of Bhaal". Unfortunately, the game never offered me the opportunity to do things like this. (Or murder the annoying-ass solar.)BG
Yeah, I think that's about the dumbest thing you can say in that situation.P3
Everybody uses a single persona, but the protagonist throws around everything from pixies to Lucifer. Why doesn't anyone react when he does that? P3
Dante would probably run out of patience faster than this, but then I wouldn't be able to fit everybody in there. This is why DMC does not play like SMB. DMC/SMB
Another one for the "why the hell haven't I done this earlier?!" files. (I love running good jokes into the ground. ... Bad ones too.) SMT:N
Being a Lolcat in the Vortex World is thankless work. SMT:N
File this one under "why the hell haven't I done this earlier?!" DMC
Aerie vs. Korgan: Round one... FIGHT! BG
Please stop pronouncing Ryu's name "rye-oo". It sounds like some kind of cereal or something.
(To my knowledge, the proper way is closer to "ree-you".)
SF
This isn't so much crack as it is a rant... a very, very condensed one. See, modding is kind of like fan fiction, and that comes with ups and downs. The ups mean totally free and sometimes awesome material. The downs... well, if I say Mary Sue, you should understand my point. BG
Sarevok guides you through the holidays. BG
And of course, I have to go and fuck it up. This is the logical sequel to the previous entry. FFVII
The Turks. And Johnny Cash. Catch the reference yet? FFVII
Unfortunately, Malak is right. He just isn't worth the trouble. FFT
Don't tell me you never wanted to drop something heavy on Melissan. BG
Remember that stoned cleric you meet in BG1? She sucks and nobody cares. BG
You know, high-level D&D magic? You know, those nifty spells that will let you do just about what-the-fuck-ever-you-want? They kind of take the fun out of it, don't they? BG
Dammit, Jim! BG
Uh, I dunno. I just got this strange urge to 'shop something up with Jaheira, censorship and road signs. BG
After Aeris died, Cloud turned to religion. Unfortunately, he's having a hard time wrapping his spiky-haired head around the concept, so just like Aeris says, he is indeed doing it wrong. FFVII
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means", OR, remember that you don't just have to spell the word right, you also have to use the right word. Otherwise you may find yourself horribly mocked. Like this!
Wantful eyes
Cheeks in fire
To spear everyone pain
His blood leaves a steak on the stone
(By Vincybel)
Badfic
Aelia may not like men very much, but she certainly likes dragons. Some might argue that she likes them a little too much. (By Theaphelia.)VP
I started by imagining Haer'Dalis singing "I like big butts and I cannot lie / All you other planars can't deny..." - but it wasn't bad enough. No, it needed to get worse. And it did. (If you don't get it... be very, very happy.)BG
It shouldn't come as a surprise that I'm picturing Shion as a rabid robosexual. Behold! Lesbians! (See, I told you I make fun of gay females as well!)XS
I dunno about you, but I spent most of my time when playing Xenosaga trying not to look at chaos' shorts.XS
It's kinda hard to make Devil May Cry crack, since... well, it just doesn't get much crack-ier than missile-surfing half-demons who beat things up with motorcycles and electric guitars. Nevertheless, I made the attempt. Now with even more copy/paste and faces crappily copied from official artwork! (It's freaking MS PAINT, what do you expect?)DMC3
Dirge of Cerberus introduces a couple of new female characters. Maybe now the fangirls will finally leave poor Yuffie alone. But she's still better than Shelke. So there. FF7:DoC
I'm pretty sure that's not Magneto's exact line, and I'm not sure why he's shorter than Logan, but I can't pass up an opportunity to poke fun at Wolverine. X-Men
Sketch was fun, but Relm would be so much cooler with a new skillset. Especially one that's a little more up to date. FFVI
This one probably requires you to be nerdy enough to either A: actually play P&P D&D or B: at least read about it in order to be funny. It deals with Baldur's Gate, game mechanics and horribly, horribly broken prestige classes.BG
Since everybody else is making "snakes on a plane" posters, I decided to give it a try as well. It's in terribly bad taste, but isn't that why you're here?SoaP
Edwin learns that there are some things you shouldn't say IRL.BG
Aeris is the best there is at what she does, and what she does ain't nice... bub!FF7:AC/
X-men
You know how they sometimes censor RPGs and change alcoholic beverages into, oh, I dunno, tea? Yeah, that.FFVII
Sequel to this one, here's Mace commercial #2!BG
It's the fight you've all been waiting for! It's the battle of the century! It's Batman VS Superman! ...the Horribly Bad Crack version.Superhero
comics
I wasn't going to touch this one, but it was just too tempting. So what's that about a plane?MGS
Why I Didn't Get The Best Ending The First Time I Played Suikoden V - A Gamer's Tale. I do believe that's the longest title I've come up with so far. Beware: some minor spoilers... but nothing that should really surprise you. (Especially if you have played the previous games in the series.)GSV
O RLY??FFVII
This one took an eternity and a half. And it's just another really long one that ends in a rather horrible joke, too, but what else is new?BG
Ever get those ideas that seem really great at first, but turn out really sucky when you try to make something of them?SMT:N
Run out of money fast in Nocturne? Yeah, same here. Those magatamas are --ing expensive! (And you have to deal with that wiggly gay guy, too.) Fortunately, the protagonist knows that there are better ways to get cash than those stupid Amala warp zones.SMT:N
You know about Rockstar Games and the ...little extras they sometimes put in their games? Me, too.FFVII
He's a good voice-actor, but the problem is that there's already a lot of people out there who associate him with other characters....stuff.
This is extremely long, and deals with tentacles and things getting stuck in ceilings. What more could you wish for? (On second thought, I don't need to hear that.)FFVII
Isn't this horribly predictable for Valentine's Day?FFVII
If you have ever read the word "yuffentine" before, this was made for you.FFVII
Poor Sephiroth just can't win. (It's a sortof-sequel to this one.)FFVII
It might not be a good idea to wait for the last moment to recruit certain NPCs. You may prefer to fight them before they have a chance to prepare. (And here is a part that got cut, because I'm just that fucking nice.)FFVII
There are worse things than the Slayer. Imoen with access to Hammerspace is one of them.BG
A very Sephiroth Christmas! Ho, ho, ho... ho.FFVII
Fear Argilla's versions of old fairytales!DDS
With all those generic names out there, there's no wonder that sometimes people get mixed up.BG/BtVS
After watching the MGS4 trailers, this is my take on what the next game in the series will be like.MGS
This is the gayest Metal Gear wallpaper you've ever seen. Trust me.MGS
Ph34r teh 80:s references. No, really. Ph34r them.MGS
Snake passes on his skills to the next generation. Or does he?MGS
Mixed-alignment parties can be fun, but more often than not it leads to trouble.BG
Yeah, I happen to like those. Wanna make something of it... punk?FFVII
I dunno. Perhaps I should stop it with these jokes.
...naah.
VP/VS
It's horribly gay. But not quite as horribly gay as you might first think, given the people involved.Berserk
/BG
White Mage is a little tired of the controversy surrounding his supposed gender. So he decided to prove it beyond any reasonable doubt.FF
Edwin learns of cause and effect. Perhaps some day I'll actually draw crack where Edwin comes out on top- err, or on second thought, maybe not. Eww.BG
Sarevok doesn't get along with any villains. This includes Darth Vader. BG/SW
Nothing to say, but I agree with Edwin. BG
A: Take two bishies. B: Think up something that connects them, no matter how insignificant or stupid. C: Make them do naughty things. Congratulations! Now you think like a fangirl! DMC/CC
The story Dante didn't want you to know. The story about how he really got Alastor. DMC
Legacy of Kain and Devil May Cry have certain similarities. And it looks like the protagonists noticed. LoK/DMC
And while we're on the subject of non!Paint crack, have some photo manipulation, or something. DMC/ Moonchild
Tifa/Yuffie: not just fanon anymore! (AKA: I don't just draw crack - I manipulate polygons, too!) FFVII
I have one thing to say: GÜNTHER! Kyou Kara Maou
Didn't anyone else find that line horribly annoying? But of course, if he didn't say that all the time, I wouldn't be able to do things like this... XG
Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou so incredibly fucking gay? (But hey, that goes for the entire cast of that game, so I really shouldn't single him out.) VS
And Sephy fucks up. Again.FFVII
I keep drawing VP characters in character. I have to stop doing that. ...or not.VP
I don't only make fun of male gay, you know. (Even though this one was specially requested...)FFVII
And the sequel.FFVII
Finally, as a bonus, the pic that set all this into motion. Ph34r me. No, actually: ph34r the hawt Cloud/Mukki stick figure yaoi. I'm not that horrible.FFVII
I've been running this joke into the ground for quite some time, but it's true, damn it! GSIV
Zidane is a horrible little perv, and Steiner does have a Shiny Metal Ass™.FFIX
He will own your soul - what else is there to say?LoTR
Did you notice a certain similarity? Of course, Lezard is only about eight million times cooler.VP
Kashell isn't a genius, though. Would you do something that stupid a second time?VP
Lezard is a genius. He got exactly what he wanted!VP
What happens when Arngrim visits Xenoverse? Do you even have to ask?XG/VP
And he's not going to quit, either. XG
Well, assuming you're male and straight (or neither of the aforementioned), would you pass up an opportunity to ogle teh hawt!nekkid!Miang? XG
It sucks when you've been trying your darndest to get laid with a certain person and then someone comes along and tells you she's your sister. (But at least Charname can hope that someone will create a mod.)BG/SW
This would explain a few things.BG
I am not the first to make this connection. But this isn't a Star Wars crossover... honest!BG
He really shouldn't have done that, because a certain other wizard noticed someone stealing his shtick and boy is he pissed! This can only be resolved through... MORTAL KOMBAT!
Round 1
Round 2
BG/LoTR
Certain wizards should really watch what they do with a certain type of headgear.BG
Edwin spent a lot of time trying to get in Viconia's pants. Of course, there were some parts of it that the game didn't show you.BG
Minsc isn't really this bright, but it's more amusing if he actually gets it this time.BG
Let us get this "stright". Squall and Seifer are not in any way or shape gay lovers at all.FFVIII
The sad part is that I'm not writing him more out of character than Square managed already. Of course, I'm doing it in the other direction...FFVIII
There is a reason why they never outfitted Garden with a ramming device. Actually, there are several.
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
FFVIII
And then you can get ready for Crossover HELL - part 2!FFVII/BG
There is only one name for it: Crossover HELL.FFVII/BG
Yuffie is a horrible yaoi fangirl. Yuffie is also bored. This combination spells DOOM. With a capital DOOM.FFVII
Villains don't get along. Especially not Sephiroth and Sarevok.FFVII/BG
If you happen to be a tentacle monster and encounter a group of überpowerful and PMSing women, there is really only one thing you can say.FFVII
I noticed that everybody I'm in somewhat regular contact with on teh intarweb is female. So I made this as a sort of tribute. (No, I already know. No need to tell me I'm insane.)FFVII
This is completely and utterly random. Yarr!FFVII
And the Sephiroth abuse continues...FFVII
And of course, once that battle is over and done with, there's still the matter of finishing it all... in a rather predictable manner.FFVII
Well, we got rid of Fei, but that doesn't mean the trouble is over. Sephy is back, and he's pissed! Time for the secret weapon...
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
FFVII
It's amazing what you can do when you switch two characters around as well.FFVII/XG
But no worries - he'll get his revenge! When you think about it, it's really amazing what one little vowel can change.FFVII
And she's not going to quit!FFVII
Aeris got fed up with being on the sharp end of the Masamune. It's time for revenge!
Part 1: "Mad dog!"
Part 2: "Corner'd!"
Part 3: "FINISH HIM!"
FFVII
Text-based crack
"Lezard Valeth sat in his tower in the company of his true love: a sheet of bubblewrap. Nobody had ever loved him or given him as much pleasure as the bubblewrap. It was with his inanimate, flimsy lover that he was to make love to tonight."VP
This VP fic is rated OMG WTF ARGH! for THERE ARE NO WORDS-type content. You have been warned.VP
Utena sets itself up for crack quite nicely... no wonder so many people take advantage of the fact.Utena
Aww, a love letter! Isn't that sweet? (Well, probably not, since it's posted here. Duh!)SO2
Mary Sue invades the SOverse. Unfortunately for her, Claude and company actually have minds of their own this time.SO2
I'm not the only one who likes obscure games that nobody else has ever played. Fwee! So, anyone feeling up to some Brigandine crack? Wally delivers!Brigandine
Inspired by the pic she requested, prositen wrote this piece of crack. It's almost as gay as everything else on this site.FFVII
Sound-based crack
Lenneth finally admits that she wants Lezard as much as he wants her. (Well, or almost as much, anyway.) Brahms, of course, thinks the whole idea is bloody ludicruos.VP
Would you like to hear the word GUNGNIR horribly abused? ... Well, aren't you lucky - because that's exactly what happens here. Just beware of the fangirls!VP
Lezard, on the other hand, is of the opinion that... VP
The All-Father is obviously up to something.VP
There's no amount of sexual tension between Lenneth and Lezard, at all. (And the ending is illustrated, too. Spoilers, OMG!)VP
Other crack
Did you ever feel that Sarevok could be a little more like Sagat from Street Fighter? If so, this is the mod for you.
This is the first and only Snakes on a Plane mod for Baldur's Gate 2! Believe it or not!
Links
This is your friendly neighbourhood webmaster's blog. Fear it. Worship it.
And this belongs to the psycho who willingly (!) hosts this site. Feel free to fear and worship there too.
Speaking of which, she also runs ne memori facias, which is a more serious fanfic site.
Fanfiction.net - does what it says. There's crack here, although most of it isn't intentional.
The Drabble-Matic - Now you don't have to write your own crack anymore. This thing does it for you!
Zophar's Domain - For all your emulation needs. Also has various utilities, like, say, programs you can use to rip sound files from various Playstation games. Not that that has anything to do with this site at all...

There should probably be something cool here. Uh. Well, forget it. I can't think of anything. Sorry.

Created: 05/04/22